death is never easy

January 13, 2010



Last night I went to the funeral of an old friend's dad. I actually used to be extremely close with this girl in high school. We'd hang out every day after school and on the weekends. We'd go to Disneyland, baseball games, and movies together. We had inside jokes and loved to laugh together. We used to be best friends. And then something happened. Something I never really understood. She turned her back on our little group. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact she was going through a lot, especially with her dad. Our senior year in high school he got sick and ended up developing a condition where he could no longer walk. I know it was very hard for her to see her once extremely active dad bound to a wheelchair. Her whole family went through a lot these past five years and last Thursday he died from pneumonia.

Honestly, I debated whether or not I should go to the funeral because of the way she shut me out. In the end I decided to go because, for one, I knew and liked her dad, and two, she was once one of my closest friends and I wanted to be there for her in this sad time.

Death is never easy. My grandpa died, as some of you know, this past September and while he lived a wonderful and long life it was still so hard for our family. But for my friend's dad to pass in his early 50s is such a tragedy. It makes you wonder how is it fair for this girl to lose her dad so young. There are so many experiences she'll never get to have with him. He won't be there when she graduates college, or to walk her down the aisle, or to be a grandfather to her children. It's so unfair. I know he'll be there in spirit but it will just never be the same.

I was worried about what she'd think when she saw me but when I went to talk to her she gave me a big hug and told me how much it meant to have me there. No matter what happened we can still be there for each other and I think that's really amazing. Life is too short for grudges.

Things like this make me realize how lucky we all are to have our own lives and family and friends. Our lives and loved ones can be taken from us at any moment and it's so important to appreciate and love them. It's a cliche, I know, but we can gain a lot from "living every day to the fullest."

I didn't want this to be a somber post but more of an opportunity to appreciate life.


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image via here

49 comments:

  1. i think that's so great that you went mara. i'm sure that meant so much to her, being that you guys shared so much history. and i completely agree...sometimes weird things happen between friends that we can't every fully explain, but life's to short to hold grudges.

    hope you're having a good day lovely girl.

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  2. Its great you went! when you dont do something you think a lot about, you always wonder about it!
    I have gone to a few funerals since HS, of friends.. car accidents, cancer and heart attacks! crazy to think that people can pass so young! I have thought about not going to a few of them but always happy I did in the end!
    so sorry for you and your friends loss!

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  3. i agree, i think it's wonderful that you went... when a loved one dies it is so nice knowing that people care. i had three deaths in my family within a two year time period a few years ago... and it sucked. but the love and support that my family (and i) received was so appreciated.
    good for you... life is too short to hold grudges!

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  4. that's awesome that you were there for her. i can't even imagine losing my dad.

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  5. I think this is beautifully written. And sometimes we all need a reminder about how precious life really is. I'll be thinking about her and her family.

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  6. Life is too short for grudges...that's so nice that you went. This photo is beautiful, but haunting.

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  7. it really is so true... i always wonder that too, how do people go on after something like that? people are unbelievably strong, but it still amazes me. it's so special that you went and i'm sure it meant the world to her. xoxo

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  8. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for her to have to see her father go through something like that and it's wonderful that you went to the funeral to support her. I'm sure it did mean the world to her. You sound like a very good friend.

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  9. i'm glad you went to support her. in times of trouble, a hug from a long-ago friend can mean the world, even if it's hard to show up and be there and risk akward-ness. Death is so hard, isn't it?

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  10. beautifully worded post & so great that you but the past in the past and did what was right for your friendship.. no matter how long ago you were 'close.'

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  11. I think it's really great that you went. Yes, maybe you and your friend aren't close. But I know it probably meant so much to her that you were there.

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  12. you have a generous heart, never lose it... even when the friendship is lost. it's sad when that happens doesn't it?

    i bet it meant a lot to her and yes, you are so right- life is too short to hold grudges.

    you are lovely!

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  13. Beautifully written, and extremely true. Life is too short, and often sad events are very unfair and hard to grasp. Somethings we are not meant to understand while we are here on earth. Just love with all your heart & have no regrets.....
    :)

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  14. Death is never easy, and when it comes to a situation like this she was probably just so grateful to see a familiar face. You're a good friend, and a really good person for seeing that she needed you there.

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  15. This post mad me cry my Grandfather and Grandmother die this past year with two moths apart and that was extremely hard for us! My father’s mother died and my mothers Father died, both of my parents were devastated and I had no idea what to do. I think a hug and a sweet stare did it, and well time helps mend the rest. Your friends father was so young and when someone young dies that’s the first thing I think about is that empty space that will always exist in a wedding or the birth of a new born. Or at those moments when you think “oh god I can wait to see my mom and dads face when I tell them________” well they wont be with us and that’s tragic but life goes on and thanks for this post it made me meditate in how my life is a blessing thanks darling! and you did a great job,Supporting your friend you’re the sweetest take care !

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  16. I really think it's great that you went at the funeral. Your friend probably pulled away because she was having a tough time, but she probably felt very lonely, too. It's really brave and generous of you to have gone there for her. She knows she has a great friend in you, and it times like these, it's immensely comforting.

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  17. Beautiful words, Mara. My heart goes out to you and your friend.

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  18. Lovely entry Mara. I think you did the right thing. It's easy to hold grudges and not want to go out of your way for someone if they haven't done the same for you, but it's apparent your friend truly appreciated the gesture.

    xo

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  19. Death us so tough. It was very kind of you to go. I lost my Grandpa in May. I know how tough that can be!

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  20. that is so sweet that you went! sending lots of love!

    xoxo

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  21. that is so sweet that you went! sending lots of love!

    xoxo

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  22. It was really sweet of you to come through for your old friend. The loss of a loved one is always heartbreaking and tragic, but the silver lining is that it can bring people together...even if only for a moment. I'm sure your presence was a great comfort to her.

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  23. It's so wonderful that you went. Some things are just so much more important than others and I'm sure you being there meant so much to her.

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  24. Aww tthis is such a nice post, everything you said was so honest and made me realise something... thanks for the epiphany mara xx

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  25. I love this post, and you're right... Death is NEVER easy...

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  26. you said it...life is too short.

    i'm glad you went. i'm sure it meant more than you know. losing someone is never easy, believe me i would know (i'm like the goto person for it), so it means a lot when people show their respects.

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  27. Hey Mara! I saw that you entered my giveaway so I wanted to bop and over and say hey..Thanks for visting my blog!

    That was a really sweet post!

    I'm lovin your blog by the way..:-)

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  28. I really enjoyed reading this entry.

    So real.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friends Dad :-(

    I was thinking the same exact thing today b/c of all that is going on in Haiti. As cliche as it may sound, you are right...We really do need to live life to the fullest and not sweat the small stuff.

    Thanks for the reminder lovely.

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  29. I think its great that you went.
    Lots of love and hugs....

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  30. u're rite dear, life IS v short & definitely unexpected. i'm glad u chose to attend the funeral & to stretch out a caring hand to ur distressed fren. tat's a really sweet move, esp for sum1 who's in grief. i'm glad to have a blogfren like you :)

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  31. It's lovely that you went along to the funeral - not only to remember your friend's father, but for her too. I'm sure she was very glad to see you there.

    Sending lots of love and hugs across the ocean xxx

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  32. mara you are so right! thanks for the reminder! i'm sure it meant much to her that you were there. my heart goes out to you and your friends. xox

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  33. I'm so sorry about your friend's dad. You're right, sometimes life just isn't fair. You did the right thing though, and let go of the grudge to be there for your friend. I'm sure it meant a lot to her.

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  34. hi!! i went to Taft in Woodland Hills. where did you go?? Do you live in the Valley?

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  35. This is such a touching post. I think you did the right and dignified thing by going.

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  36. i think its awesome that you went.
    youre right death never is easy. i lost my dad 9 years ago (at the age of 15, he had just turned 51). its hard, but its something we all have to go through in life, but doing it together makes it easier, i think.
    love, kel

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  37. I'm glad you went. My mom died in high school--so I know sickness in the family changes you. I pulled away from my friends because things got so raw at home. In my case, I devoted my whole self to what happened at home, and that's not an easy decision to make--or if you don't decide, and it just happens, it's a hard thing to go through, isolation.

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  38. I think it's great that you went, I would do that same thing. While this post made me cry for my own reasons relating to a family member with a deadly, incurable illness I also think it is not depressing because in the end we all need to remember life is precious and sometimes short. We don't always know how long we have with someone wether it's an illness or an accident. The part about her father missing certain things really hit home for me.

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  39. you've been tagged!
    7 things about you...
    bacwoodsfern.blogspot.com

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  40. Ah Sorry to hear this about your friend. Keep well. xo

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  41. I'm so glad you went. I would have done the same thing. You're right...death is never easy. And life's way too precious to hold life long grudges. Cliche or not, we all should live life to the fullest and not hold on to "maybe tomorrow"!

    Hope you are having a good day Mara!

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  42. That is so awful. her family is in my thoughts and prayers. I am so thankful that my family is healthy and happy, but you are right, they can be taken away at any moment. an accuantence of mine recently lost her father in a tragic motercycle accident just a few short weeks before thanksgiving. I can not even imagine what it would be like to loose a partent at such a young age.

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  43. I'm very sorry about your friend's dad. I hope you are doing okay.

    You've definitely got me thinking about friends I've lost touch with now...

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  44. I am so sorry. I think its so beautiful that you went, I know it means the world to her. I will keep her and her family in my thoughts.

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  45. So sorry to hear about that. How sweet of you to go even though you've had a rough past.

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  46. Oh I feel for your friend and I think she has a true friend in you. I think it's really special that you decided to go to the funeral even though you weren't sure what her reaction would be.

    I think she appreciates you coming and only knows too well that life is too short for grudges. xx

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  47. I think you did the right thing by going and I'm sure it meant more to your friend than you'll ever know. We lost my Grandpa this year.. 6 days before my wedding. It was incredibly hard on our family. Death is never easy, but like you said, it is an opportunity to rethink what's important and embrace and appreciate life!

    xo.

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  48. gosh so sad. i can't imagine loosing my dad so young. that was so great that you out your past behind you and went to the funeral anyway, i'm sure it meant a lot to her

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  49. I also think it's so great that you went. And you should really believe her that it probably meant a lot to her that you came. It meant a lot to me to have my friends come and support me at my mom's funeral. And it's true, it does sincerely suck to not have a parent there for big life events (my mom wasn't there for any of the events you mentioned about her dad) but you do learn to really appreciate the people that are there and the moments when you can feel your lost one close. This is personal, but oh well, On my wedding day after we were sealed everyone in the room comes in a line to talk to you and my sister told me that she felt my mom was there. That was the moment I lost it and the tears started. Even though I was sad she wasn't there, I will cherish that moment where we all felt her. Didn't mean to make a sad comment. I'm glad you went.

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